![]() It’s exactly what I would pitch if some major food conglomerate came to me for ideas on how to sell casserole.īetty Crocker released this in four different flavors. I’m completely in love with the box, what with its blazing blues and its Star Wars fonts and its highly editorialized renditions of Saturn. I’m mostly surprised that it debuted so late, because macaroni shaped like spaceships and martians seems so much more like an ‘80s event. Unfortunately, I hadn’t read that strip by 1990, so this alien pasta was willfully ignored. I grew up with a strong aversion to anything that turned hamburger into Not Hamburger, and it wasn’t until reading a Calvin & Hobbes strip that tackled this very subject that I saw the error of my ways. Next we have Betty Crocker’s Space Adventure Hamburger Helper mix, again from 1990. (And hey, even if your pictures came out messy, you could at least feel like Wassily Kandinsky.) The packets of fruity goo didn’t allow for quite the same level of artistic finesse as promised by the commercials, but so long as you stuck with simple shapes, you’d finish breakfast feeling like da Vinci. If there was anything that could make oatmeal even more exciting than little dinosaur eggs that hatched into little candy dinosaurs, Oatmeal Swirlers was it. Yes, liquid Fruit Roll-Ups! With those, you could literally draw on your bowls of oatmeal with a variety of fruit-flavored slimes. ![]() In addition to the everyday packets of everyday oatmeal, kids were provided with smaller packets of… uh… what can I call them? LIQUID FRUIT ROLL-UPS. Oatmeal Swirlers was oatmeal with a gimmick. If you’re too young to remember this stuff, I call bullshit, because there’s no way you could stomach me without the constant notions of “I did/saw/ate that too!” But, for the sake of argument, I’ll explain. Even people who never ate Oatmeal Swirlers remember it fondly, thanks to its awesome TV commercials, which alternated between the use of a catchy jingle and the use of a goddamned anthropomorphic strawberry stickman. So behold! Old junk food from my personal collection! You’ve seen a few of these things in previous articles both here and on X-E, but, well, what can I say? When you have an empty box of Oatmeal Swirlers, ya gotta brag.įrom 1990, here’s one of the crown jewels of my collection. I don’t know how this became my thing, but that’s the hand I was dealt, and tonight, I’m gonna play it. As you’ve probably surmised, I collect old food. ![]()
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